I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
