Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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