is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
