Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
