i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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