so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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