Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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