There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
