my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
