Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
