Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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