i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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