Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
