Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
