Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
