Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
