She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
