sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
