i jhust puked up my retainher.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
