Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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