I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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