WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
