Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
