When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
