My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
