dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
