I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
