I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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