She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
