I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
