I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
