Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
