Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
