You're my little dorito
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
