if i died would you start the facebook group?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
