i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
