There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
