My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
