i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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