Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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