judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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