he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Are we still banned from the library?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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