If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
