what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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