some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
okay pat passed out under dana's car
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
