It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
