You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
