i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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