Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
