happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
