Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
