I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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