party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
