you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
