I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
